“Why Doesn’t Everyone Else Think Just Like I Do?”

By Bob Burg

The sages asked: “Would you be offended if, when walking into a room, you noticed that no one else has a face exactly as yours? Why then would you be offended when others don’t have a belief system exactly as yours?”

Interesting point, isn’t it? So often, we’re upset because somebody didn’t do something, act a certain way, or handle a situation as we would have handled it. Have you ever said to yourself, “I can’t believe he did it like that–anybody else would have done it like this!” (You probably have never done that…but I know I have.) Actually, “anybody else” would not necessarily have done it just as you or I would have, but we genuinely do think they would.

Have you ever been upset because a prospect didn’t respond with total excitement to a particular aspect of your business opportunity that you believe is a major benefit? It baffles you:

…that while you see “financial freedom” as the end-all be-all, he only wants to know more about the health benefits of the products.

…that while you are going on and on about how much more energy people are discovering in themselves after taking the company’s flagship supplements, she stops you and asks how long you think it will be before she can retire from her J.O.B. and spend more time with her daughter.

…that while you are totally enthusiastic about the friendships your prospect will make as a result of the business, he looks completely unimpressed and uninterested.

“How could he not get excited about what excites me?” you wonder. “How is it possible that she doesn’t get it?” you attempt to fathom.

Our bafflement comes down to this:

“Why doesn’t everybody else think just like I do?”

The Conundrum of Normal

Why? Because, as human beings, we operate from a belief system that, as Judy Piani, author of Trait Secrets: Working Together When You Don’t Think Alike (www.traitsecrets.com), puts it, “Normal is what I am.”

Normal is what I am.

It reminds me of a guy I met years ago, shortly after moving to Florida. He made what struck me as a rather odd, yet very definitive statement:

“Everyone who moves to Florida moves down here either to fish or to boat. Anyone who says anything different is lying.”

Hmm, I thought. I must be lying. Neither of these two activities are anything I’ve ever found to be particularly special for me. But his belief system was so strong in that area that, to him, anyone not having a similar belief must be lying–to themselves, if not to him. After all, as far as he’s concerned, “Normal is what I am.” And I must admit, I generally tend to think the same way of myself.

(By the way, had he mentioned golfing, that would’ve been different. I actually don’t golf either, but it would have been different.)

The point is this: there are times when your way of doing something will just not mesh with another person’s way of doing something. And it might be important to work that out.

Seek First to Understand

As this relates to the prospecting process, understand that just because you see your opportunity fulfilling a certain need or dream of yours, that doesn’t necessarily mean the same will be the selling point for your prospect. How will you know? By asking the right questions.

Before you can ever hope to persuade someone to your point of view, you need to recognize–and honor–the fact that this person may, at least in some areas, think differently than you do. This person’s entire method of dealing with a situation or problem solving is the summation of multiple factors, such as upbringing, associations, and innate character traits.

The same holds true for your business. Before you can ever hope to persuade someone to join your organization, you need to recognize–and honor–the fact that this person’s wants, needs, dreams and desires, all of which may well be fulfilled by working with your company and within your organization, may still be utterly different than yours.

A good start in determining another’s position or belief system is to ask questions and gather information. As Steven Covey puts it so beautifully in The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, “Seek first to understand; then to be understood.”

Once you understand where another person is coming from and, just as importantly, after she knows that you understand where she’s coming from, you are finally in a position to express your view in a way that she will likely be much more open to receiving. Then you can work out whatever you need within that interpersonal transaction so that you both come out as winners.

Remember: “Normal is what I am” fits you precisely–and it also fits your prospects, each and every one of them, exactly the same way!

BOB BURG
is author of Endless Referrals and Winning Without Intimidation, and a free weekly e-zine (www.burg.com) on networking